suizdejinn:

rocksymom:

Home is where your wi-fi connects automatically.

This needs to be on a shirt

(via roshniswithcoco)

Three weeks ago, this was my post on Tumblr. I was feeling fragile, broken, empty. After more than three years battling with depression, I felt that I was losing the battle. I was getting off a severe cold that knocked me down for two weeks, but the pain in my spirit was more severe.

While I was laying on my bed, crying myself to sleep, I knew I’d touch rock bottom. What I considered my “sure dose of joy” of the day, it wasn’t anymore. I got scared, really scared. There was nothing I could hold on to. Like other times, my soul was surrounded by darkness, and I couldn’t connect with God (not that I’ve lost my faith, it’s hard to explain… maybe some other day). At that moment, I wrote the following note:

I realized that I had to shake up my life, take control over it. I had to do something DIFFERENT.

I accepted my sister’s invitation to join her in her spinning classes. DAMN, that thing is tough. During the first class I cried, but no one noticed because I was sweating so much you couldn’t know the difference. However, it was an incredible outlet for my stress and frustration. I disconnected from my reality and I let the music and the instructor to push my heart to the max. I also started to be more conscious about what I ate. Not a diet, but changes in the way I eat. I eliminated sodas completely. I started measuring things like rice and pasta. Sometimes I weighted my proteins. I forced myself to eat breakfast every day. I consumed more fresh fruit. I eliminated second servings at dinner.

In the first week doing spinning (four times a week), I lost 5 pounds. FIVE FREAKING POUNDS. I couldn’t believe it. I lost weight, and I wasn’t being miserable with a diet. I got all pumped up. I bought some gears and gadgets to feel more “pro” (hahaha), and installed some apps on my iPod to keep track of what I eat, my exercise, my calories burned (total geek mode). I started doing personal training along with my sister at 7:00 am (WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? DOING EXERCISE AT SEVEN? I DIDN’T GET UP UNTIL 8:00 AM BEFORE). Next Saturday I have an appointment with a nutritionist to “clean up” my eating habits more.

It has been a drastic change. The best part of it: my brain is responding to the exercise endorphins, and I’m feeling great, even though my body is sore from the effort. I’m taking my medication daily because I don’t want to lose this. I have a lot more energy and better focus at work and at home tasks. I got my cold back (damn Sahara dust!) but that hasn’t stop me at all; on the contrary, I went to the beach to clear up my sinuses with sea breeze. I also feel that I’m ready to work out my spiritual life too, and that makes me a lot happier.

There are some angels that have helped me along the way (my sister and my personal trainer mainly), but this is something I’m doing for myself by myself, and that’s what makes the difference. It is still too early to know if this is a permanent change in my life (I really hope it is), but that’s only in my hands. So far, I’ve been rewarding myself with some self-pampering: a manicure, a pedicure, some highlights… something for me that makes me feel better.

As for my Team Coco wristband, it will be back when I reach my first short-term goal. It will be my recognition, a reminder that amazing things will happen if I keep working hard, and an imaginary high-five from Conan for turning my life 180 degrees (a girl can dream, right?)