Sharing the Chaos in my Life

69 notes &

Shoutout For a Dear Friend in Urgent Need for Help! Please Read!


Hi everyone.

  I normally don’t post things like this, since I am not the kind of a person that wants to draw too much attention to myself; and let’s face it, posting things like this online, especially in public communities like this, can attract all wrong kinds of attention that could be potentially harmful for myself.

   Now, however, I’m willing to risk it since we are pretty much out of options here. :(

   My dear friend Ellen (from St. Louis, MO), whom I’ve known for closer to a decade, is in deep trouble and needs help. There is no softer way to put it: she is about to become homeless.

   Her life story is one of the saddest there is. She is a survivor of rape, child sexual abuse, domestic abuse, multiple miscarriages; multiple suicide attempts, and is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. She has been medically diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with PTSD.

   Ellen is one of the sweetest people I know. She was there for me when I was going through a hard time in my life when within one single year I lost both my sister and a best friend. To know what she’s had to go through and where she is in life now does her no justice. It utterly breaks my heart. We, her friends, have done all we can to support her in her battles, but now we too are facing impossible odds.

 To put it frankly, her situation is terrible.

  After leaving her abusive ex a few years ago, she got into treatment and got a new life, a new low-paying job and a new house with a mortgage. Everything was going okay-ish at first; she was clean for about four years and it all seemed so promising, until her poorly treated psychological issues got the best of her and she relapsed… and everything went down from there.

   Since then she has been in treatment for several times both for her addiction and mental issues (issues that led to attempted suicides on a few occasions), which all have ultimately led her being unable to work, and her medical bills began piling up. She actually did try going back to work at some point, but couldn’t go on after only a few days; her psyche just couldn’t handle it.

  As her insurance only covered some of her medical bills, she was soon behind in payments from food to gas, to water and electricity (she was without both for a good while) to her mortgage. Over the time of a couple of years they just piled up more and more, which has all now led to this.

 She, and us her friends, have dug up everything we can think of, but for only little avail. The sad fact remains:

   If we can’t gather up $10.000 for her very soon, she is going to lose her house.

   She has literally no income. As she lives in Missouri, she won’t get any aid from the State as she is ‘technically’ a home owner, but selling her house is not an option due to the horrible economy. She has tried to work with the mortgage company, but they aren’t giving her any more time even for medical reasons as they insist alcoholism is all self-inflicted (which is not entirely true, medically speaking). All income she receives is from us her friends, but there’s only so many of us and so much we can do as we aren’t exactly loaded either.

   To make it all even sadder, her family is not having anything do with her, and she literally has no other source for help but us, and none of us live close enough to be able to accommodate her if she did become homeless.

   She is at the end of her rope. Despite all this though, she has been very determined of staying sober, she goes to three AA-meetings a day which is more than she has ever done, as far as I know, and I am very proud of her. Still, this situation is literally tearing her apart.

   Ellen is… an amazing person, an amazing friend and does not deserve the bad things that have happened in her life.
  She, and us her friends, are fans of, and believe in the words of Conan O’Brien ( teamcoco) that went “If you work hard and be kind, amazing things will happen.” She truly lives by this ideal, I’ve witnessed it over and over again. It has sadly only been the latter part that has been majorly missing in her life.
  She deserves so much better, and it saddens us we aren’t able to give her that. It is plain wrong that someone like her; that is always ready to give, never asks anything for herself, has been suffering the way she has.

   Which brings me to another point think I also need to add and emphasize: She personally has NEVER asked for anything but prayers from any of us. It has been ours, her friends’, choice to aid her financially, and this message was also purely my idea, and it was I that volunteered to write it.

   While I am a strong believer in the power of prayer, I’m also a believer that we believers play a major role as God’s hands and feet, as the literal body of Christ, to bring and enable blessings in the lives of our neighbors. She may not be a neighbor in a literal sense to me, but she is my neighbor, my sister, in my heart. All I pray is that I could give her more, and I only say it because it’s true.

   We want her to able to live the life she deserves, to find a better meaning for her life and eventually come out of this as a winner so that her experiences wouldn’t be in vain, that one day she could help people like her in return. All of it might be in vain though, if she won’t be getting the help she needs.

   These are our, and my, motivations for doing this.

   That said, out of any other option, we set up her a fundraiser some months back that was originally meant to help her finance her medical bills, thus its even current title. Sadly, it didn’t catch fire anywhere near close to as would have been needed at the time. Currently, the fundraiser has been donated around $700, but all of that money has already been long since used. The fundraiser has limitless time, the money go to her personal Paypal account and shall be used to pay for her mortgage.

   We kindly ask you to please consider helping us to help Ellen. No donation is too small, but if you can’t donate, please at least help us by spreading the message. It would not only mean the world to us, but also to her. <3 Prayers are also welcome.


You can donate here: https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/4hpK4/ab/c2Jrgb


You have our eternal thanks! <3

Please help my friend.

(Source: feliscybernicus)

12,686 notes &


"What’s wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can’t we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor. Death is not the enemy, gentlemen. If we’re going to fight a disease, let’s fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference."  
Patch Adams 


"What’s wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can’t we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor. Death is not the enemy, gentlemen. If we’re going to fight a disease, let’s fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference."  

Patch Adams 

(via redmaryjane)

Filed under Robin Williams Phillip Seymour Hoffman

0 notes &

How do I explain the world that I don’t want to waste more time sleeping?

I spent almost 20 years of my life in a comma-like stage.

I want to live my life at the fullest. In the words of Thoreau, I want “to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life”.

If I can’t find a companion for this journey, I’ll do it alone.

Filed under story of my life carpe diem

0 notes &

You started this game.

Everyone around us noticed it.

With your charm and your smiles,
the subtle actions and small comments
you involved me
and made me play your game.

Now you bailed out of the game
leaving me hurt and confused.

If that was your goal,
congratulations, you won.

I’m now walking out of the park
where you left me alone.

I learned my lesson, I won’t play with you again.

Good bye.

Filed under story of my life heart broken Four times in 6 months forever alone